It's not about me

"I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father but through me." [Jn 14:6]

Studying this passage this week, an unexpected teaching was given to me.  The evangelical message in John 14 is profound.  Jesus is the one and only Messiah, the Savior beside Whom there is no other.  Apart from Him there is no way for man to deal with his guilt, no way back to our Father in heaven, no life in this sad world of frustrations, and no truth that can satisfy our longing souls.

This is the message to the seeking soul who is not born again.  It is the message to the young Christian struggling to get into the new life in Christ.  It is the evangelistic message to the intellectual who thinks he or she can fathom God and THEN have faith:  Jesus is Himself truth.  Knowledge of good and evil, philosophy, history, art or science will never save anyone. Even full mastery of theology cannot satisfy a soul if he has no personal relationship with The Lord.

But another message has hit me, completely unsought. It is this: By his use of  I and me in John 14:6, Jesus made the work of salvation, that is, coming to the Father, all about HIM. The work of God is all about Jesus.  We don't come to the Father through The Church or the sacraments or the knowledge we attain about God, but through the Person of Jesus Christ.  And as evangelists, we do not bring people to God nor save them.  We simply bring them the Good News, through which they may believe and know Jesus, and through Him, be saved.

Perhaps the corollary of this is what most helped me:  It is not about me. I have often been cowardly, unfruitful and unhappy because I never learned that simple phrase, "It's not about me."  Perhaps this is the most common cause of that affliction Dr. Martyn Lloyd-Jones described as "spiritual depression", which leads to the anomaly he called "the miserable Christian".

I've been suffering spiritual depression for at least 10 years, and didn't see it. 

But yesterday as I was about to go out for some one-on-one evangelism, I found my thoughts all swirling about me and discouraging me.  It looked hopeless.  Frustration seemed inevitable.  My hopes and dreams of evangelizing one campus had borne only a few good results, but no great harvest.  So as usual, I was becoming depressed before even getting out of my car.  Somehow at just that moment, as I prayed for help, the Spirit said simply, "Christopher, this is not about you, it's about Jesus."

And the chains of ego were at that moment loosed and fell away.  Evangelism was a joy again, and whether the response of the students was up or down, I was steady.  Yes, I had to keep reminding myself, "This is not about me."  Giant Despair is always there trying to storm back into the house swept clean. But one little word felled him:  I AM THE WAY, THE TRUTH AND THE LIFE.

Indeed, Jesus' focus on "I" was appropriate. HE is the Savior. He is the one who counts in Christianity.  He is our God, not merely "a great teacher".  He did not come to help us become "self-aware", but that we might know God personally.  It is all about God the Father, Son and Holy Spirit.  And it is emphatically NOT about us.

But I fear that, as I have gone on 10 years in this habitual loop of negative feedback of discouragement, the entire Western Church is suffering the same.  We are so affected by the god of this age, Nike, the god of success, that even we Christians cannot break free of the frustration of serving such a false god.  Success is not what Jesus our Lord promised, but suffering, rejection like unto His own.  Until we understand and embrace that it is about HIM, NOT US, like Peter we deny our Lord again and again, live in frustration, and are spiritually depressed.

This is not what our Lord wants for us.  He Who is The Life promised us "life more abundant" [Jn 10:10].  He is the Good Shepherd who would have us follow HIM, and who appoints us to be under-shepherds for HIM.  Again, it is all for Him.  If we are fruitful or not, successful or not, eloquent or stammering, free to literally fly from place to place or tied up lying on our left side (as was Ezekiel), we are not discouraged because it is all about Him and making Him known and for His glory.

Not unto us, O Lord, not unto us,
But unto thy name be glory, O Lord!

The me-syndrome has plagued us long enough. It is time to throw it off and cure it.  There is just one simple way:  It's not about me.  Let this simple mantra rid us of the selfish thinking that leads to depression and frustration, and instead make known abroad His Name.  This is liberation, to truly feel and believe as John the Baptist:

"He must become greater, and I must become less."

May God reawaken the evangelistic zeal of His church as we embrace this simple and liberating attitude of Christ-centered focus.

Thoughts

So Jesus answered and said to them, "Have faith in God. For assuredly, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, 'Be removed and be cast into the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that those things he says will be done, he will have whatever he says."  [Mar k 11:22,23]

I've gradually come to the painful conclusion that I am in no wise great.  For all the talk of greatness in my church, of doing great things by faith---and I have contributed much to such talk---it is increasingly obvious to me that, now 51 years of age, I am not destined for greatness.  Hopes to write symphonies and musicals have never moved me to actually compose.  Ideas for books and essays never work their way out of the brain and into the pen.  Ideas for planting churches have not borne fruit.  Even attempts to raise disciples have largely failed.  It's not for encouragement that I write this, neither for myself nor for you, dear reader.  But I despair of doing things the longer I live.  Young people are more unwilling than ever to learn from me, however much I imagine myself able to teach them.  I should not be surprised. None of it is original. It is merely the old story.

I am encouraged that in a small way I am able to participate in a mild revival at a local church here in Charlottesville.  I don't know what will come of it, but I am indeed thankful to be able to share in that work, mainly be helping out with worship and music.  And I am very grateful that the music I contribute is both appreciated and tolerated. For rather than complaints about it being "old music", or poorly prepared, or that I use organ rather than piano, and now piano rather than organ, it is truly welcomed by all, especially Mrs. "Philistine", who much prefers the organ, and most, who prefer "old" music (being mostly themselves old).

But when I think I have not preached the gospel much, and so many souls all around me are unchallenged by its glories, especially on college campuses, my heart weeps with shame: shame that I am, despite my big talk, so small in courage and obedience; shame that my compassion for the lost is so unlike my Lord Jesus; shame that still, after so many years following Him, what I will to do I do not, and what I will not to do I do.  How fine it is to listen to those who have planted churches and watched them grow, or fed many sheep and raised up missionaries and sent them out, or written beautiful songs, books and plays. How moved listen to others' marvelous sermons, esp. R.C. Sproul and Martyn Lloyd-Jones, only to find I am so unlike them in effort, faith, love, compassion and obedience.  Has the Lord given me so much, that I am spoiled and useless?  Am I not among the elect, whom He has indeed called?  Shall I face the judgment saying, "I wanted to do something, but didn't have enough of the Spirit's empowering to do anything.  Lord, it's your fault I did nothing with my life."?

No!  Rather, I must go and do for the Lord, whether I have the strength or no, trusting only that HE gives the increase, no matter who plants or waters or reaps.  I must plant, water, or perhaps reap, I don't know.  But I can no longer stand by idle. Even at the 11th hour, I must go and engage the work of my gracious Lord.

Lord, open the door for me to preach boldly and openly, as well as minister in the church, teach your word one-to-one, care for my family.  Lord, fill me with that wonderful knowledge of God which is the essence of faith.  Make your word burn like fire in my soul, until I may preach it without restraint or hesitation, though yet with fear and trembling, for the sake of those who have not heard, but must hear, and by hearing, also may believe in your Son.   In these Last Days, raise up others also who will go out and preach and teach your word, even at Calvary Baptist and other churches.  Save many, esp JK, SK, MK, AB, MS, and other UVa students. INJA