Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed

"But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed." [Lk 5:16]

As I said yesterday, I came to believe that God has sent me to Washington as a kind of "wilderness". I've been here for nearly 45 days, not counting weekends and the one week I worked from home. Still it's not been easy. But making a living is often something one just has to do.

Today as I drove to work, listening to Luke's Gospel, I heard this verse, as never before, and was comforted knowing that my Lord was often lonely, by choice, though not as I am---to make money---but to pray. How little I have taken advantage of this opportunity spiritually, to spend time in prayer. Not that I haven't prayed. But it is far from being a priority. Even so, I must thank my Lord who brought me here for a purpose, and has shown me at last what the purpose was: To get me alone with Him.

Now I thank my God that I am never alone. Never. He is with me, my Lord and Christ, my Bridegroom. I pray he may soon show me the door upon which to knock in my hometown, for I am sure he has work for me there. But as I have often said, I will move every year, if that is my Lord's will. Yet I know it cannot happen until His work is planted firmly in Charlottesville.

And oh how I thank God that this world and especially this corrupt city (D.C.) is not my home, but the New Jerusalem, to which we go. "I have looked over and seen the Promised Land." And there is my hope, in that city "whose Architect and Builder is God." Why do I try to store up treasure here? Why should I plan and work for retirement? "The Lord will provide." This may not be everyone's faith, but it IS my faith. In God we trust. Let us not be put to shame, Lord.

Father, move my heart to pray. Send me your Spirit to enable me to pray. Put your desire in my heart, the desire for all peoples to hear the Gospel of Jesus, and believe. Lord, in this age of deceit, help me to speak the truth in Love, and with power to move sinners to repent, not for money, but to "become poor for their sakes", like my Lord, and not for popularity, but in lonely places, in prayer. IJNA

He became poor for our sake

"For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though He was rich, yet for your sakes He became poor, so that you through his poverty might become rich." [2 Corinthians 8:9]

Today, I have come to believe that God has given me this time of "wilderness" training in Washington for this verse to take root. I could go on working here, since I need to survive and pay my bills, for as long as they'll keep me. But I need "the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ" more than I need the grace of any benefactor.

On this verse, my mentor writes, "The institutional church’s idea of a servant of God is not at all like Jesus Christ’s idea. His idea is that we serve Him by being the servants of others." [Oswald Chambers] I know this is true. Jesus didn't call me to be a institutional church worker, but a servant of God in the "John the Baptist" sense, in the "St. Paul" sense, after the Lord who washed feet, touched the sick and healed them, and was a friend of sinners, not an academe or butterfly among the "spiritual giants" and would-be giants.

How can I open my mouth and preach the glorious grace of the gospel of Jesus if I am only interested in the approval of men? I cannot even believe the gospel if that is what I seek. Rather, I want to follow in Paul's steps, who "focused his life on Jesus Christ’s idea of a New Testament saint; that is, not one who merely proclaims the gospel, but one who becomes broken bread and poured-out wine in the hands of Jesus Christ for the sake of others." [OC] I am only at the point of trying to open my mouth on the streets to preach Christ---hardly ready to consider being broken and poured out. But I know this is the hope God has for me, and the reason I have been sent to work in this "wilderness".

In a world of those who are seeking fortune and treasure in this world, I need again to hear the words of Jesus: "Do not store up treasure on earth... but store up treasure in heaven." The wilderness is supposed to be a place of poverty and hardship. Maybe this is an anti-wilderness to help me long for the heavenly wilderness.

"Oh, that I had in the wilderness A lodging place for travelers; That I might leave my people, And go from them! For they are all adulterers, An assembly of treacherous men." [Jeremiah 9:2]

In a way, I so often feel this way about life in America. Has God sent me to the capital of America to increase my desire to be alone with Him? I do think it is so. Thank you, Father. And it may also be for the purpose of softening my heart toward others, those who are truly lost and hopeless, travelers who need a place to rest. Lord send them to my lodge, I guess to my home. You know.

Lord, break me and pour me out for others, that they may know You, Lord Jesus. Amen.

Rap becomes intelligent and useful

Much to my surprise (and perhaps, I admit, dismay), rap has actually become useful, as truly intelligent people are making use of it. Here, for example, is a rap called

Fear the Boom and Bust" a Hayek vs. Keynes Rap Anthem

by a George Mason University professor. I am seeing really fine rap coming from Christians too, such as The Greatest Story Ever Told by Shai Linne an The Humility of Christ - Timothy Brindle (both brought to you by my friend Elijah Ku.)

As a Christian, I'm not sure whether I really want to see the gospel presented in rap. But I can't argue that it isn't powerful. I was nearly moved to tears by "The Humility of Christ". Believe me when I say I am sensitive to music. I always have been. I know the difference between the musical and the spiritual. They both move me, but differently. And in this case, while my musical ear was suffering, the words truly penetrated my heart. I do feel the beat and enjoy the tapestry or the mood or the meditative karma created by rap; but it just isn't growing on me as a genre.

But I can no longer argue that as a genre it is useless. And in the cases above, I cannot ignore the deep intelligence that these have put into their raps.

Whence flows love for the Lord?

Many times I have wondered why my determination to serve Jesus wanes. Why do I not go more often to the campus? Why have I not once preached, as I feel so strongly led to do, on the streets? Why do I prefer thinking and writing to taking up the cross of going to the hungry ones with his bread?

It is that I don't love the Lord as much as I think. Of the sinful woman in Luke 7:47, Jesus said,

"Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—for she loved much. But he who has been forgiven little loves little."

The one who really loves Jesus much will serve him lavishly, and cares nothing for the reward he receives for it, or more likely, the criticism. But it does seem that those who start out with more sins receive more forgiveness and love more. Should I sin that grace may increase? Heaven forbid. How can I increase my love for Jesus?

Perhaps I should just reflect on how dreadful a sinner I am, until I realize how much I'm forgiven and then I'll love Jesus more. Obviously such a mechanical thing won't make me love Him more.

Then what can I do? How does one become spiritual? Paul "died every day". Will that do it? I know of no mechanical way to make myself love Jesus more or have more passion in serving him. The only thing I do know is that Jesus gave us the Holy Spirit to make our work for God both possible and fruitful. And the only secret Jesus gave to bearing fruit is "Remain in me." So even if it takes much longer than we would like, and such a long wait does only damage to our ego and grandiose plans and dreams, I must remain in Him, my bridegroom, my Savior, my Lord and Christ.

What can I do, Lord? I just don't know how to muster passion like St. Paul had, or the woman at Simon the Leper's home. Am I destined for mediocrity and passionless Christianity for always? Or is it possible that you have something in store that will truly change me into a servant, a shepherd, a fisher of men, and a Christ bearer to this generation? What should I wait for, Lord? Pour out your Spirit on me, Father, to move me to serve men, to love others, to preach the gospel, and to live every day for Jesus' name's sake, and for your glory. Amen.

Blessed are the poor in spirit

"Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven." [Matthew 5:3]

Thank God that he blesses the poor in spirit. I'm sure I qualify. Sometimes I complain that God didn't give me the aggressive ambition and "killer instinct" that he gave many of my peers. In fact, I covet their gifts most sinfully, esp. the great Ph.D. shepherds and famous pioneers among my fellowship.

But I know that this coveting is the most corrupt and vile part of me, that both God and man cannot bless. And yet, the lack of all those gifts is also a gift. I am poor in spirit, and have always been. I see this in my children as well. Is it something I wish for? Not at all. I wish they didn't have it. I wish we were ambitious go-getters. Praise the Lord for his blessing upon the poor in spirit.

Aha! So that's how it's done

The question of "how?" is usually the most difficult. Even Mary, with her great faith, only had but one question, "How shall this be, since I am a virgin?"

How can we bear fruit as Christians? Spiritual fruit is the work of the Holy Spirit, that's how. It's no more complicated that that.

Consider Mary the mother of Jesus. After the Annunciation, if Mary had simply gone to Joseph and become pregnant---"Honey, this is what God wants!" (a la Sarah's urging Abraham to take Hagar)---it would have been Mary's work, and there would've been nothing supernatural about Jesus' birth. Of course she did no such thing.

But that seems to be the way many Christians go about the work of God. The first thing they want to know is, "What do I do?"

Francis Schaeffer described Mary's response, "May it be to me as you have said" as "active passivity", and I like this term a lot. Inasmuch as we, the Church, are the very bride of Christ, bearing His children is something only HE can do IN us. We can't do anything to give them life. But we suffer pains to give them birth and to raise them. Yet their spiritual life is God's work alone, the work of the Holy Spirit.

I wish I could ask Francis one question though: Ok. God alone can do the spiritual life-giving work. But isn't there a part of church life and work that isn't really supernatural? that doesn't even need to be supernatural? like just serving meals, singing songs, leading retreats, activities, doing good deeds? Aren't we serving God even if we are doing totally ordinary things, things that perfectly secular organizations also do? What if I'm just grabbing as many people as I can and giving them an earful of Genesis or Revelation? or leading a group of college boys to sing as a team on Sunday? What if all I'm really good for is playing the piano or singing bass in the choir? How is this not also the work of God? Does everything have to be spiritually fruitful in terms of lives changed? Do I have to live by the Spirit to do those things? Do I have to struggle to be personally holy? Do I have to deny myself and take up the cross daily if I just want to do those?

I guess I know exactly what Francis would say, too. He would say, "You don't, if that is all you want. But you wouldn't be reading True Spirituality if that was all you wanted. You'd be reading The Purpose Driven Church."

So what DO I want? That question has to be the beginning point of following Jesus. If I want the kind of power and life that HE had, church work isn't for me. I must follow Him. Indeed, He was rejected by all those church leaders and church workers in his day, and his followers persecuted by them. They were not what the Institution wanted. Do I just want to build an institution, a monument to my or someone's name? a big stone building memorializing my denomination? Heaven forbid that my desires should sink to that.

I want to "move mountains" and be "a fisher of men", to bring reformation to The Church, even if it means remaining one of a terribly lonely minority on the earth. I probably should care about crumbling institutional churches and their plights, and perhaps give up my small house-church to contribute to their survival. But Jesus didn't die to save an institution, he died to save the souls of individual believers. And I am convinced my work lies in that direction, however small and lonely my labor may be.

For I am convinced that HIS work isn't done by human hands. It is done by the Holy Spirit. And those who are filled and used by the Spirit will bear fruit, as a branch when it remains in the vine, quite naturally bears much fruit. The how isn't hard at all. It will happen as I remain. Praise God for HIS PROMISE, which alone is the grounding for our faith.

Can God really change lives?

Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant a willing spirit to sustain me. Then will teach transgressors your ways, and sinners will turn back to you." [Ps 51:11-13]

I confess that until recently, this doubt was growing my heart: Can God really change lives? Not only was it my struggle, but it was the struggle of Francis Schaeffer in that dark period of doubt just before 1953. It may be that there are times when God gives up on a people, or takes his Holy Spirit away from those who have known him but not obeyed him; there were indeed times when Jesus "could not do any miracles." [Mark 6:5] The point isn't that God had no power, but that men had no faith.

So in our ministries, if no lives are being changed, no sinners turning back to God, it is clearly not God's failure, but ours. What does the Psalm say?

"THEN I will teach transgressors your ways, and sinners will turn back to you."

I cannot teach transgressors to repent until "then". What is that moment? It is clearly when God's Holy Spirit has been poured out on me, when the JOY of God's salvation has been restored to me, and when I have been granted a willing spirit to obey God's will.

Without the Holy Spirit, how can any miracle be done in the body, mind or soul of a man? Without God's own joy in my heart, why should anyone desire to listen to me, however grave or persuasive the truth I speak? Without a willing spirit to obey God, what will move me to evangelism? Why would I spend time arguing and persuading anyone to turn from sin or believe in Jesus?

"I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit." [John 15:5]

The hard part, then, is to remain in Jesus, not produce fruit. Fruit is borne naturally in the Christian who is filled with the life of Jesus, the joy of the Lord, and the Spirit.

There is an answer to the question, Can God really change lives? He can and does, but not because we "do more" or "work hard" or sacrifice much. God works to change lives through us. But it is God who does this work. He "draws all men unto himself" but only "when he is lifted up." [John 12:32]

Sadly, many Christian ministers of our day are being lifted up and highly exalted, and seem to want this. I know because I myself envy other popular and fruitful shepherds. I have secretly wanted to see their downfall, coveted their spiritual gifts and position, and made it my hope that I would soon be exalted above them all. To this covetousness I must "be crucified with Christ", even Jesus who was despised and rejected. He did not become rich. God forbid that I should enjoy more popularity and success than your Son. Only renew your Spirit, your joy, and a willing spirit within me, to obey and follow Jesus, to exalt Him alone, and become less that he may be known among the nations.

Spiritual Exhaustion

Isaiah knew well what is is to be exhausted. He it was who wrote,

"Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary..."

But this same God commanded Peter,

"Feed my sheep."

It is the shepherd who works, not the sheep. They simply eat and roam about and lie down and make babies. The shepherd must carry them, push and pull, rescue them, fight off wild animals, and protect them from the elements, not to mention take care of himself and his family. Such work is consuming. Jacob explained well in Genesis 31:40:

"This was my situation: The heat consumed me by day and the cold at night, and sleep fled from my eyes."

When we feed Jesus' sheep, and this certainly includes caring for our own children, we are apt to become truly exhausted. Oswald Chambers explains that it is because, until they learn to feed upon Jesus' own bread and wine, they feed upon us, that is, they come to us for nourishment. Not that we can in any way save them. But our whole job is to help them come to Jesus who CAN save them, and receive his flesh and his blood. Until they are brought to Him, they will devour our time, our strength, our spirit, and all the material help we can give them.

As parents we don't demand our children to earn their own living or pay rent. Neither can we expect spiritual lambs to keep up with the flock and be spiritually mature or fit and strong, nor the rambunctious rams to keep with the flock and not run off on their own. We have to do the providing, carrying, and lots of rescuing. As the beautiful old picture of Jesus rescuing a sheep depicts, we have the same dangerous job. And it is exhausting.

Unless we are, ourselves, continuously feeding upon our Lord. The "Spring of water within us" comes from HIM, not from US, but only if we are depending on Him. Many ministers have tried to supply the needs of people from their own intellect or goodwill or kindness. These are consumed so quickly. Daily we must come back to Jesus and renew our strength from him.

How do we "come back to Jesus"? What does this mean? Isaiah continues in vv.30-31:

"Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."

To pause and spend this time each morning with my Lord, in his word, in meditating on his word and prayer, this is all I know. My hope so easily wanders to things of this world, people, places I want to visit, activities I want to do, but cannot. All are good, in a way; but they are none of them a true and living hope. So what if I write an opera or a great book? Soon it will be forgotten and the applause will die out. What if I become a great man? Soon I will be dead and gone.

But those who hope in God will feed Jesus sheep and care for his lambs. Their hope is in HIM, not in the sheep; their hope is in his kingdom, not America or any other kingdom here below. We don't grow weary if our hope is in the everlasting God. I can attest that God is faithful to strengthen me, though I have not labored near as hard or faithfully as those who helped me and have served God's flock with all their hearts. Oh that I might trust him and give my all in serving him, depending on him rather than my talents or efforts. Lord, only grant me courage to follow you, and speak your word like Isaiah. Send your sheep to me, if you would help them through me. IJNA.

Francis Schaeffer's "How Then Should We Live?"

Last night I began watching the 10-part series, "How Then Should We Live?" It was made in the 1970s by Schaeffer and is based on his book by the same name. And I am so happy to know of it. I should've read the book years ago, and wanted to, but just didn't. I think Schaeffer really, really enjoyed making this book into a film documentary. He gets to travel to all manner of places in Europe and be filmed with some of the greatest art and architecture of the last 2000 years.

The documentary is part art and architecture history, which is where I got my start in architecture school back at UIC. It is part philosophy, which is my current interest, and part history. He then interprets all these in the light of Christian truths. This is exactly what the Lord is moving me to do right now, and this will help my current project greatly. That project is this: I am writing. Writing what? Evangelistic sermons with some apologetic and philosophical content, which I intend to preach at Virginia, God willing.

I suppose all of this will make it into my other writing projects as well, but those projects are still stuck in the mud.

As for the documentary, I'll have to write about that once I've finished all 10 parts. But I seriously intend to inflict it upon as many of my children as will sit and watch it. Anyone who wants to understand the cultural "wars" of our times, Schaeffer argues, must understand the times past, and bits of philosophy, religion, politics, history and culture that have influenced our times. As ministers of God's word, it behooves us to make every effort to see things clearly, and to CARE about our people deeply, not just in our own church, but in other churches also. To this end, I resolve to care about and visit other UBF chapters and churches of my friends as much as possible, just as St. Paul constantly visited and built up the churches in Asia Minor and Greece, not missing Antioch, Jerusalem and eventually Rome.