I consider my life worth nothing

"However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me--the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace." [Acts 20:24]

Can I serve God just as I like, as a pastime or leisure, just according to my common sense? That's the point OC makes today in My Utmost for His Highest. "It is easier to serve God without a vision... without a call, because then you are not bothered by what God requires." I truly want to serve God. But when I serve him just as I think I'm ablest (or often as others think I am able), I wind up not even starting the race HE wants. What does he want? Yes, "Feed my sheep". Jesus made this abundantly clear by thrice repeating it. Without this, I haven't stayed the course, but become distracted; no matter how well I may be running, how fast and furiously I may be working, how busy I stay 24x7, I'm running away. Think Jonah.

It goes back to what I hold dear. If HE is what I hold dearest in all my life, then I will obey his commands, care about what he cares about, and do what he does, namely I'll lay down my life for his sheep. At least, to start with, I must count my life worth nothing to me, but only valuable if it is invested in His work. It's like money: we can "put this money to work", or we can spend and enjoy it for ourself. Putting it to work means I must give up the right to enjoy everything, and invest my life in His kingdom. Do I hold Jesus more dear than anything? In reality, I think I hold my own life dearest right now, and my own righteousness and my work. As OC puts it, my practical work can be a competitor to my "abandonment to God".

But at the moment, I'm not working that hard in practical ways. But I don't have a very strong vision either. For example, I should be getting up earlier to spend more time with the Lord in prayer and devotion. Two or three hours a day are wasted on myself. I need a "blueprint" for ministry also, though it is to be constantly available for the Holy Spirit to revise. Without a vision, I simply have a leisure-minded service to God that is so easily distracted by other runners going in all directions.

In Chicago I was useful, mostly in the realm of music. I think this was a valuable training time, but not God's ultimate calling. So when I left Chicago to preach and teach the Bible and pioneer, my usefulness (to others) decreased greatly. Yet I have not given my heart to feeding his sheep even now, after 4 full years in Virginia. Who am I kidding? I'm just living a leisurely life, serving God as a pastime, not with a vision.

Today, I must write the plan and vision for our ministry here, and especially, I must feed his sheep, seven sheep is a good goal. Let other goals fall by the wayside, perhaps, but NOT THIS.

Lord, forgive me for my lack of concern for your sheep. Increase my love for you, Lord Jesus. Give me that resolve of Apostle Paul, to "consider my life worth nothing" if only I may feed your sheep. Bless them and draw them to yourself, Lord. And help me not lose sight of my goal. What is my goal, Lord? ... Yes! It is to lift of Jesus, as he said,

"And I, if I be lifted up from the earth, will draw all men to myself." [Jn 12:32]

Lord, let me lift you up in Virginia today, to everyone I meet, even if I am useless in every other way.