New Year's Key Verse and Resolutions

"May I never boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, through which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world." [Galatians 6:14]

As much as I feel I have grown in the years since we began pioneering Virginia---where there is no one to push me to grow or struggle or repent, but I must walk before God and grow because his love compels me to---still I know I have not grown very much. Still I have not read the Bible through or prayed every day; still I have not become truly gracious to my wife; I still don't put my campus mission as a priority; my preaching is still careless and hastily prepared; my attitude is still one of laziness, not devotion; my study is still superficial. The trouble is, in my heart is still a desire to boast about me and the good I'm doing. I want recognition, and don't think I can ever get free of the desire for the worthless applause of men.

Yet I know what my heart truly desires---whether the flesh is cooperative or not---is the glory of Jesus and his cross to be revealed through me. This is what God desires too, I believe. It requires that the world be crucified to me, and I to it. It means that all my glory is in the cross, not in my works or success or achievements, not in my family or job, nor even in my preaching and Bible study. So many seem to glory in their position or spiritual achievements. When I read of someone who read the whole Bible through, fed 12 sheep, traveled to Africa and so forth, it just seems I am so small in my own eyes. I get so tired of being "just me" instead of "Dr. Kelly" or "Saint Christopher" or a "great man". In reality, I think I'm supposed to make myself something, though it was God who promised "I will make your name great".

But the cross is not something people want to hear about, let alone boast about. What's to boast about in the cross of Jesus? It is the place of salvation for all who believe. Far and above any great cathedral, the cross is that place where we are actually saved, and the One upon that cross is the only Savior, the glorious One who lost it all to save us.

Can I boast in the cross? Can I overcome all the other boasting then men are prone to indulge in? Even the flesh itself hungers to boast. It must be crucified, not indulged and pampered and strutted and stroked. I guess to be crucified is a physical suffering and death, as well as a mental and spiritual suffering and death. Jesus was in deep anguish of soul, and was spiritually forsaken by the Father as he cried out, "Eloi, Eloi, lama sabbacthani." I have felt forsaken in 1990. I have felt mentally broken when I could not understand why I was left unemployed. I have not allowed myself to be crucified when I stood up for my rights and argued that the things I did were just, when they were not.

So to be crucified is not easy. To crucify the world isn't either. What does it mean to crucify the world to me? I know it means that I no longer love the world and the things of the world. In some sense, this is happening to me. The little joys of the world are losing their savour. Food even doesn't appeal to me, though I enjoyed cooking so much. My career has little deep enjoyment, though I am still excited by the work I do. Gardening is wonderful, but also a chore. I have even stopped running last month, though I need to do it and enjoy being healthier by it. All the things of the world perish, spoil and fade away. Even children grow up and move far away. Shall I try to find increasing joy family, or pastimes, or career, or travel? Or shall I let the world be crucified to me, and I to the world, and find increasing joy in God alone? This seems to be God's hope for me. And I believe that as I let this happen to me, God will sanctify every part of my life and every relationship to glorify Him.

Lord, take all of me this year, that I may no longer seek to boast about me, but only and always about Jesus Christ and his cross. Be the Lord of my life and family and ministry and possessions, and sift my soul itself to become purer through the sieve of your Holy Word. Move me to read your word this year, not to boast of an accomplishment, but to be filled with your Spirit. IJNA.